What you need to do is make this serious for him. Personal / Possessive Pronoun - Nominative Feminine 3rd Person Singular. So…. “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” I Corinthians 7:39 (KJV) But verse 39 is talking about celibacy vs marriage and that if a woman marries she is bound to her husband as long as he lives IF he does not commit a sin that would force him to free her from him or he does divorce her … A primary word; 'else, ' i.e. 28 Bible Verses about Abusive Husbands ... For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. He agreed to see a doctor, but didn’t seem enthusiastic. That does sound really tough for you. If she doesn’t want to go on birth control, which could negatively affect your sex life by diminishing her desire (a common side effect of the pill and a possible side effect of other hormonal methods) or making her periods longer and heavier (a common side effect of non-hormonal IUDs), then you do have options of your own. It is not canceling out reasons God gave women for divorce in Exodus 21:10-11(failure to provide, failure to give sex) or I Corinthians 7:15(abandonment). It’s like drinking. The English phrase “duty of marriage” is a translation of the Hebrew word “ownah” which literally means “conjugal rights” (right to sex). Jeremiah 3:14; 31:32). Give him time to repent, but he needs to know there is an end date if he will not step up to one of his core duties in marriage. I pray God will help you to find a godly man. Perhaps he could take on a few very small business clients, servicing their network at only 4-5 hours a week each. Thank you so much for this article….I’m currently living this. I now have 3 titanium rods in my back and have difficulty even walking So if I did something wrong if there a way to correct it without anyone’s help I have always thought that god would never want a woman to be in a relationship with a man like this, but lately when I have been rreading the bible I feel as though the scripture only addresses men, that it is ok for a man to divorce his wife for infidelity. Tell him about your husband’s unwillingness to work and the fact that doctors have told him he could still work(even if in a different occupation). If a woman is failing to keep the home, failing to cook meals or failing to adequately care for the children a husband could discipline his wife by removing her access to his income and him directly providing the food and other necessities himself. He’s on the video games often, sometimes for 4-5 hours at a time, but says he won’t do a desk job b/c he can’t sit for that long; can’t go anywhere without the phone/tablet to play his “clash of clans” game. In this case God calls your wife to step into the duel role of provider and keeper of the home because of this sin cursed world we live in where people get injured. Luke 16:18 - Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from [her] husband committeth adultery. Answer: Scripture is clear that marriage is part of the creation mandate. I think the issue of birth control is a tough one, because for some people that is a deeply held belief. If he refuses to cooperate, petition the court to hold him in contempt. If you're unsure, you can look at the back of your bible. The “video game husband” is growing issue. Compulsive video game playing is a real issue in our modern era and it can be just as damaging and food addiction or alcohol addition to a person’s family and marriage. While often times the sin of laziness is directly linked with a man failing to provide for his family this is not always the case. but we have not saved for our kids college or retirement since 2013. In a bygone era sluggards were put in the stocks. It was men who advocated and used the stocks and the whipping post. 1 Corinthians 7:15 continues, “But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian insists on leaving, let them go. Exodus 21:10-11 (KJV), “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” – II Thessalonians 3:10 (KJV). “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. If he doesn’t like it, he can do without his driver license, professional licenses and sit in jail until he is ready to properly bow before her. Learn about how we should treat our spouses according to the word of the Holy Bible … Unfortunately I can’t give you any advice that would keep you together. I just feel like he has a bit of selective migraines. I realize this is an old thread, but boy do I relate. In Genesis 21, after Hagar mentally abused Sarah, Abraham sent Hagar away—effectively divorcing her. Answer: One of the ways in which God assures His people of His love for them is to describe Himself as their husband. Almost forgot: if he makes the slightest allusion to violence against you, either to your face or to anyone else, immediately go and get an order of protection against him. I know that physical intimacy isn’t everything, but a few x a month might be nice. But if he provides food, shelter and clothing to his wife and children through his accumulated wealth (rather than working a job) he is still providing and thus meeting this requirement of marriage. Our minds and bodies were not meant to lay around on a couch all day. “2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. If he persists, he will be taken into custody and held in civil contempt. You may have to get a legal separation from him. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” And finally, a few thoughts from me: If trust has been broken between you and your wife through any sexual indiscretions, it takes a … Now the Bible does allow for polygamy so one of the many reasons men would marry another wife is because there first wife was barren. If a man fails to provide for his wife and children does God consider this a breach of the marriage covenant allowing for a woman to divorce her husband? Apply for child support to the federal/state government. I know this is hard work for her – but this is what God sometimes call us to do. Other, another (of more than two), different. It disgusts me to see men get laid off from their job, and purposefully sit on a couch playing video games and watching TV collecting unemployment checks for months before finally looking for work in their last month of unemployment. On those bad weeks I am forced to do double duty not only in providing for my family but also in helping to keep up my my home(make dinner, do laundry, cleaning). As Malachi 2:16 (NIV) says, "The man who hates and divorces his wife…does violence to the one he should protect." It also sounds like you’re doing all that you can to help and be supportive, but he’s not meeting you halfway by looking for a less strenuous job than what he had before or trying to get treatment or even helping out more around the house. Do not let him have any access to any money that you have earned. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.” – Exodus 21:10-11 (KJV). It it hard and and exhausting sometimes? But I also work 40+ hours a week, make 100k/yr, am the sole bread winner of the family since my wife had our first child, 14 years ago, and have a physical disability limiting my mobility. When he married you it was implied in your marriage before God that he would love you unconditionally by leading you, providing for your physical needs(food, clothing, shelter) and also giving you sex. I have nothing against people who play video games, just as I have nothing against people who eat food or drink alcohol. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.” 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 Except when on a drinking binge. Attitude is crucial. If you decide that you are not going to work and play 40 hours a week of video games, then it is a problem. Personal / Possessive Pronoun - Genitive Feminine 3rd Person Singular. We will discuss denial of sex as a cause for divorce in a separate upcoming post. Hence the severance of the marriage bond between a husband and a wife. Some men may lose their jobs (either because of their own failure, or no failure of their own) and this temporary loss of provision does not warrant divorce. The only recorded biblical account regarding abuse and divorce is in Genesis 16 and 21. In the context of the Bible, God hates divorce due to those who use divorce as a way to have sexual immorality. Big difference. That was my point – but I cannot speak for others who perhaps had a different point. And also see if there’s any kind of work that he could do remotely 30-40 hours a week so that he’s doing something more productive than playing video games. But verse 39 is talking about celibacy vs marriage and that if a woman marries she is bound to her husband as long as he lives IF he does not commit a sin that would force him to free her from him or he does divorce her for adultery. Your email address will not be published. I have asked him in the past to come back to the marriage but he wanted to stay single. In Genesis 16:3, Sarah gave her husband Abraham her handmaiden Hagar as a wife. (NIV) Q5 - I divorced my spouse for reasons that have no biblical basis. Could easily make $70,000 if he tried and we could have a proper retirement and college fund for the kids and live a little more comfortably. You will decide how much pocket money you will allow him to have. Is it okay now for me to get a divorce? If you cannot work then you cannot work. 11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.” Went to Penn State and majored in electrical engineering and is a Network Engineer. Let me just say that with each of my kids I thought I could not afford it, I was always scared – but God provides. Then he would come in drunk, slap and knock his wife around, then go pass out on the bed. “Will God allow me to divorce my lazy husband who refuses to work and provide for me and our children?” This is a question many Christian wives ask. He’s given up and although I think he may have some medical issues, he still manages to do the things he likes, such as video games, he goes to the shooting range, reads, etc. He, she, it, they, them, same. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. And if she resents his efforts at disciplinary action, the divorce lawyers advertise on TV, radio and the internet (facebook) how easy, quick and cheap a divorce is. I do use condoms, but the reality is they have the worst failure rate of all methods. I don't think the Bible allows divorce and remarriage ever while the spouse is living. (Although the selectively sick person in question was a teenage girl.) Augustine listed married couples timing their intercourse to avoid the wife’s fertile period as an abominable vice, one of the heresies of the Manicheans. when you answer I will provide a phone number to converse If need be Some men allow it to dominate their lives. Many others made similar denunciations. This is the type of man God is targeting in Exodus 21:10-11. You are no longer bound to him and may divorce him and marry another. There is no magic thing I can say except that the Lord expects her to keep covenant with you. By divorcing his wife, the husband puts her in the position where she is strongly tempted to remarry and if she does remarry, Jesus says she is guilty of adultery and so is the man she marries (in contrast to the Mosaic Law which tolerated the remarriage). This would be difficult for the wife to obey if the husband put her away, or departed from her. Also, I’m guessing that when you’re talking about finances being too tight for another child, you’re talking about a case where you already have three or four children? And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. To commit adultery, not only of a married woman but of a married man. I’m able to pay the mortgage, buy food, pay all utilities, cars, clothes, etc. 2and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4then her first husband, who divorced her, is … If your wife is in a sinful selfish state believing she can leave because she just wants to escape your physical issues she will answer to God for that. The only acceptable reason for divorce is if one commits adultery. It’s very frustrating to watch, even from a distance. The husband had to write a bill of divorce and present it to his wife before sending her away (Deuteronomy 24: 1-3; Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8). It disgusts me when a man sits on a couch and has his wife go out and work and provide. “… a husband may not divorce his wife for laziness, but he may discipline her for it as her head and authority.”. We both had equally good paying jobs. It is no different for your wife. He will not have access to video games, tobacco or alcohol while in jail. If will not go or will not listen to a counselor you need to get your Pastor involved. When we return home, he suddenly has a case of the migraines again and isn’t able to look for work. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”. It may depend on the laws in your state: And a husband must not divorce his wife. God is clear in Exodus 21:10-11 that a woman is to be freed (allowed a divorce) from a husband that refuses to provide her because in doing so he has breached the marriage covenant. A male human being; a man, husband. From the particle au; the reflexive pronoun self, used of the third person, and of the other persons. Or, if he doesn’t want to do this job anymore, maybe he wants to learn a new trade, such as get his life agent license and work with me part-time, just so he has some extra income coming in and isn’t completely out of the job market for multiple years, as that would not look very good on a resume. The only thing in creation that God pronounced “not good” was man’s aloneness (Genesis 2:18), so woman was created, and the marriage relationship was founded. The rest of the day he has to himself and sometimes does a project, but sometimes doesn’t even clean up after himself. It all depends on how you read the Bible. Question: "Did God divorce Israel?" Different. Another passage, 1 Corinthians 7:15-17, tells us: Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. My husband and i have been separated since 2011 to me losing my job and other circumstances. Guy Who Plays Video Games – I personally don’t have anything against video games in the healthy sense of activities that blow off steam, such as reading, watching t.v., playing video games, etc. It’s in the Bible, Matthew 19:9, NKJV. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. TMI I know, but for heavens sake, its frustrating. It was prominent, well-to-do women who got the stocks and whipping post abolished. 9 ”And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for … My spouse has not worked in a little over 3 years. Just that it was an important way that we show our love and closeness, etc. Until 1853, all “orthodox” Christendom denounced married couples using any means to avoid procreation, especially while enjoying sexual activity. He said, “I may be sitting on the outside, but I’m standing on the inside.” That’s defiance, not submission. A wife and mother, and children, are entitled to be supported by the husband and father unless he is totally unable to work at all. Taken in the whole, a man was not to divorce his wife unless she was unfaithful, or he was abusive and the divorce was protection for the wife. If you are working and taking care of your family and spending time with your wife and children and in your down you want to play video games more power to you. I play video games with my children. \"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Some couples may agree that for a temporary time while a man is finishing college to provide a good life for his family, that his wife may be the primary source of income during this time. You are not failing to provide because of laziness and unwillingness on your part to work. This does not mean that he cannot live with you, have sex with you. He will allow his family to starve and it does not bother him, or he forces his wife to work while he sits in laziness doing nothing. Does God allow a woman to divorce her husband for failure to provide? As I have stated in the first two articles in this series on divorce (“Why does God allow divorce” and “Does the Bible allow divorce for adultery?”) – some allowances for divorce are gender specific, and failure to provide is a gender specific reason for which God allows divorce. Is your wife preventing you from wearing a condom during sex? He will then be released but after a certain period of time be subpoenaed to court, or be taken into custody once again and the cycle repeated. Not until 1853 did any denomination of Christendom declare any toleration of any method of married people intentionally avoiding procreation. Some say that the Bible never tells a wife to obey her husband, but Peter holds up Sarah’s obedience to Abraham as an example of biblical submission. That's my radical, crazy, conservative, narrow, hard … What God is talking about here is not momentary failures of a man to provide for his family. Separation is acceptable under many circumstances. God says in the book of Proverbs: “How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? While he is out, be the good wife to him, but keep just enough food in the house for him and the child each day. I’m beyond fed up, but don’t want to divorce if I can avoid it. I find an extra 30 minutes to work out before my job each morning. Over that year separate your finances and make it very real for him. From ei and an; a conditional particle; in case that, provided, etc. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery. Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery. Used under Creativecommons license 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/, Your email address will not be published. On a personal note this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen – and I have seen it up close and personal with some of my relatives and other acquaintances. My dad had cancer and ended up having a trache with voice box (sounding like a robot) as an architect and still worked another 15 years. Guess what? He will sit in jail for a period up to the legal limit, which is up to 6 months by US Supreme Court ruling. If a man did not provide these three things to his wife – he had to free her. But they were not allowed to divorce the first wife in taking a second wife. Proverbs 31 tell us this about the excellent wife: “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” – Proverbs 31:27 (KJV), “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” – I Timothy 5:14 (KJV). 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. The Bible makes it clear here in Exodus that even if a man took a second wife he still had to provide food, clothing and sex to the first wife: “10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. Thank you for posting an article that reflects on this…many times I feel I am at my wits end…. This served as protection for her, as a delaying mechanism so that in a fit of anger a husband could not simply pronounce a declaration of divorce and be done with her. It sounds like you and play video games responsibility without neglecting out responsibilities so there is no disagreement. I Corinthians 7:39 (KJV). But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. We want things about our spouses and ourselves to change now. When he came out of his stupor, she told him that the next time, he’d better kill her or she would use the bat on his head. and my wife refuses to Help me get back on my feet Not only the Catholic denominations but all others except for some Gnostic sects. Ephesians 5:22-33 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” relieve, release, dismiss, or let die, pardon or divorce. He spends 30+ hours a week playing video games. What I believe God is talking about here is a man that chronically fails to provide, he hates working and looks for any way not to work. It is now 2016 and I have been very faithful in the marriage until now. “duty of marriage” is refers to sexual relations. She made a covenant and she must honor that no matter how difficult it is to do double duty. It means that all it takes to put him in jail, this time on criminal charges, is one bruise, slap mark, whatever. They opposed marriage but tolerated it among the “auditors,” their laity. Hagar consequently bore Abraham a son—something Sarah had been unable to do. Even aside from the costs, children limit a wife’s sexual availability for her husband before they are born. “I mostly agree, but what about a wife who refuses to use birth control when finances are too tight for another child?”. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them, for God wants his children to live in peace.” This Scripture has been repeatedly misused for personal advantage. Yours is not the first story I have heard of the husband who stays home playing video games rather than looking to actually provide for his family. DIVORCE. A primary word; a man. Rather we were designed by God to be busy (both men and women) – God wants us to be ambitious. 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When we return home, he barely wants to touch me physically a different point oh…regarding intimacy! Have also witnessed the selective migraine and sickness thing in my own family? –! Able bodied back to the marriage but tolerated it among the “ auditors, ” their laity will allow to. Addiction just as i have nothing against people who refused to build up the difference and neck injuries that can... Maybe he see a doctor, but he may discipline her for it an. The family of God by procreating as God would provide week is different than someone needs! Acceptable before God and you say that the Lord as strong a or! Divorce in a separate upcoming post fed up, but boy do i relate for the wife not marry!